My 7 steps to personal effectiveness - Step 3; Influencing

I hope that you are enjoying this series of articles around personal effectiveness. So far I have written about communication and time management and now I would like to discuss my third step - influencing.

No matter how brilliant or hard-working you are, you simply cannot succeed without the help and cooperation of others. Influencing others is how we get what we want in life and career. Therefore being an effective influencer at work is an important skill for everyone, regardless of the level you’re at.

The smarter we can get at knowing what we do, or what it is about us, that impacts on others, the more personally effective and powerful we can become.

But gaining influence at work is difficult and it's never been harder to influence others as employees have never been more distracted. We have shorter attention spans as a result of information overload and the pace that we live our lives.

Given it’s more important than ever to influence because of the increased pressure on getting results - here are some helpful tips that I have picked up.

Build Connections

Investing time to develop strong and trusted relationships with your colleagues is important. Whilst having a good rapport may not translate directly into influence – it goes along way.

When you have real, meaningful relationships with colleagues, it’s possible to build trust and understand their personal and professional motivations - both of which will put you in a better position to inspire them to follow your direction. People will be more inclined to listen to you and help you reach your goals if they view you as a person, not just a co-worker, and if they believe you would do the same for them given the opportunity.

The easiest way to build relationships is to take an interest in others, be genuine, and be honest. Ways in which I try to do this include; take time out to share a hot drink with someone, support others' initiatives / projects, ask for advice, solicit feedback, show interest by asking questions, remember kay dates, random acts of kindness, deliver on my commitments and finally to always assume positive intent.

Listen First

I have previously mentioned how listening is one of the most important skills you can have in step 1 of this series. In my experience when colleagues feel heard and they have your undivided attention – they are more likely to support and back you. Having the discipline to focus and listen will earn a lot of respect.

How often do people get your undivided attention?

Focus on listening actively during your next 1-to-1 situation with a colleague. You can show somebody you’re listening by turning yourself towards them and stoping being distracted by handheld devices. You will find with a greater focus on active listening you will clearly understand what is being said. Reading situations well and paying proper attention to people will both help you to become more influential and effective.

Focus on Body Language

Your body language speaks on your behalf, and that’s why it is an important aspect relating to influencing others. Here is how you use your body language to make you more influential;

• Start with a smile - and maintain eye contact as it makes people think of you as warm, confident, and approachable which are all traits that help builds trust.

• Matching movements - subtly copying movements can help them feel connected to you. If they unconsciously start to copy what you do, too, you know you’re in a strong position to influence.

• Nod - when they talk as if you’re confirming or agreeing with their statements. If people start nodding back when your talking, they are much more likely to start agreeing with you - providing it's not unreasonable.

• Stand up - where possible and you can gain the upper hand. This is particularly useful when making a phone call where you need to influence. Standing up makes you feel more dominant, and it will be easier to communicate more assertively.

• Lean in - tilt your head or body towards someone to show that you are interested in them (but remember don't get too close). If you can make a person feel listened to and important, they will be much more likely to agree.

• Point - with your feet can influence somebody unconsciously. Or if you're like me and want to bring the conversation to a close, you can influence the other person by pointing your feet away from them and towards the door :-)

I could carry on with these tips but ultimately the conclusion is that positive interactions lead to easier negotiations, good relationships, and more influence.

Develop Expertise

Another way to increase your influence at work is to be seen as a recognised expert. This won't happen overnight, but you can always be taking steps to make this happen as people need to believe that you know what you’re talking about. The more trusted you are, the more likely you are to influence others.

Build your credibility at work by demonstrating your expertise, confidence, and by doing what you say you’ll do. The more credibility you have, the easier it will be to influence the people around you.

How can you do this?

• Never stop learning (become a learn-it-all)

• Follow trends, stay at the forefront

• Speak up more at meetings, interact with more people

• Share your skills & knowledge and what you know how to do best

• Redefine your network, if you want to improve, surround yourself with people who elevate you

Involve Others

If your proposal is fundamentally self-invested, people won’t be interested. To be more influential you have to get others to see the benefit. i.e. what is in it for them?

Even if you’re objectively right about something, you can’t assume everyone else agrees with you or push through your point of view. Think about their point of view and how you can sell the idea as something that is a win-win for you both. You may need to compromise but that will also make you more influential.

But remember, the goal is to influence others, not manipulate them.

Chris Musselwhite suggests that there are five influencing styles we can use to get the buy-in of others. These are easily remembered by the acronym BRAIN;

• B (Bridging) - focus on relationships. e.g. "can I ask a question" or "here's a suggestion...."

• R (Rationalising) - use logic and facts. e.g. "research shows...." or "let me state the case for...."

• A (Asserting) - use confidence and authority. e.g. "I think we should do this" or "what I expect from you is...."

• I (Inspiring) - focus on shared purpose, use stories and examples. e.g. "imagine...." or "what if...." or "I envision...."

• N (Negotiating) - work together collaboratively; trade-offs, give and take. e.g. "here's what I can do" or "let's park the discussion until we gain more inputs"

Identifying your primary influencing style is a critical first step in improving your ability to involve other people and influence. Once you're aware of your own style, it should become easier to notice the default styles of others. This increased awareness can help you detect when your approach isn't working and decide how to best remedy the situation. We will often need to have situational flexibility and be able to change our influencing style based on various conditions.

After reading this article I hope that you have a clearer idea about the importance of influencing skills and how you could further develop these. Some people are fortunate that they have inherent influencing skills, but this is something that can be developed and taught so with a little bit of work you can become more effective at influencing others.

Thanks for reading, I do hope you enjoyed it and that you continue to find these personal effectiveness articles useful.

HR Blogger